I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
