Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
