i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
