Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if only i could text you this smell
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
