ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
