sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
