You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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