woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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