She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
