Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
