hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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