I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
