dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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