Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just threw up on my dentist
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
