I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
