Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
