Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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