dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
