I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize