We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
