Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
