I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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