Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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