She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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