apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
