We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
