Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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