A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
