she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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