Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize