I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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