I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
