If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
