If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
