I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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