Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize