this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
