Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
