we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
