he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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