Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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