So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
