how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
