have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
