Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Four minutes until I can fart!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
