sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
