I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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