I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
