She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize