Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
