I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
