Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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