just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
