i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
