He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
