Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
