would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
