the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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