Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
