you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
