Soap is not a condiment
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
