I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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