Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
