There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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