Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
