He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
