I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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