I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
