After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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