one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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