Your tits are I can't wait for
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize