Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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