Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
