i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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