somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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