Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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