Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
