Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm sobbing to NWA
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
