I forgot how hot balto sounded
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
