Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize