If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
