this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
